Thursday, 23 March 2006

Arrivals for the fank

I think the first arrivals for the Fank are here. This morning at 11 o'clock, the good old Isle of Arran could be seen sneaking into port at an unexpected hour. She trailed vapours of Toilet Duck and Savlon shandies, so I think the Northerners must have hailed her from the shores of Loch Seaforth.

Now, as in all fanks, blond is best, so the local chemist shops have been stocking up on hydrogen peroxide for bleaching. Toilet Duck won't have a quack of an effect on your hair colour, you need the strong stuff for that. The beads that Calumannabel advised me to get for US contestants have turned up in the Ness emporium, probably for use at the fank.

I went down to the pier to assist with the circular conveyor belt that is coming from Unst, to be used in the caber tossing contest. Whether it's actually cabers that are going to be tossed or rejects at the fank, I dread to think. I'll have to get on to Galson Tractors to advise them to park well away from the fank. I'd hate one of their smart vehicles to get hit by a blond bombshell. ]]>

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